i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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