Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
