And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm passing your future prison.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
