My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
