BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
