You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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