aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
