Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
