i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
