We're facebook friends in real life
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
