There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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