Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
