i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
