i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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