winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
