I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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