Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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