so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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