I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
