32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
