You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
