After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
