3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
