Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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