i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
