i already hear my dad disowning me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
