At least make sure they are 18
Why
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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