I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
