Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who died my cat blue again?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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