Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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