i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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