see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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