Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You can't motorboat a personality
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
