i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
