her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
