Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
handjob tips. give me some.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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