Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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