I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
