god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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