to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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