Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will be naked everywhere
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
