I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
