so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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