just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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