It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
