Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
