i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
PANTIES FOUND
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
