you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
