I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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