If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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